Mother Earth

Figured since they say it's almost time to plant my fall crops I should give a few pictures of the garden, since last time I did was in March.
I feel I still have a good many weeks left in this cycle for zucchini and squash, so I'll let them keep keeping on!

My live oak tree which will be beautiful in a couple decades....

The zucchini have been by far the best growing crop this season. The leaves really are huge!

My watermelon patch has not produced as I had hoped since planting but it's because the farmer, me, hadn't been watering it enough. That has changed with my continual use of the soaker hose on a regular daily basis each morning and we've been getting more more rain in July than we ever did in May or June. 

So my one lone watermelon was past ripe, that's ok. I've got time on my hands for the next ones to turn out great. 

The one other crop I'm looking forward to will be the sweet potatoes. I checked on them Wednesday and it was about medium size, and I'd like them to grow a good bit more before harvest. It's funny having a crop you can't see to tell if it's right for picking. The wait is worth it though.

Additionally, it's been a busy few weeks and some big answers to prayers have been received. My chronic pain is almost completely solved and without the use of any pain medication. In fact, I take no medicine during the day at all. Sleeping is still an issue but we have dropped my dosages dramatically, which I'm very happy about. The radiofrequency ablation (cauterizing of the nerves) in my back seems to have taken away all the pain signals and I've been more active lately. I gotta slow it down though, when possible, but I'm happy to be back to the new normal. The phrase "strike while the iron is hot" has really been my slogan lately also because I want to get as healthy as I can while I can do it with minimal pain. Really isn't like I wake up and think "oh, I'm cured"... but again, it's just a new normal. Which really means that God has blessed me beyond words. I have a blog topic I'll try to fit in sometime soon along those lines.

Two weeks ago my cousins were all down at the beach house for a big family week and it was exciting to be around them and their children. Knowing the next generation is learning the beach like we did is so special and really makes my heart smile. I took lots of pictures but don't feel a post would be warranted.

Really, I just kept wishing dad would have been there walking down the yard to the pier with a watermelon. His favorite thing was watermelon on a hot day. It's quite possibly one of the only things he really truly and deeply was selfish about. -but selfish in that good way that he'd always want to share also. :-)

It's also been two months living without my father and now that I am not in chronic pain I think about him more and more. You can probably tell from that last paragraph. What's added to that is I've lost the 3 heroes of my life all within a year and it's been pretty tough lately. -thinking how I'd just love to hear their voice. What I'd give to talk with them about the past and all the millions of memories that they would recount as if it were yesterday. I wish I'd recorded our conversations so I could pass to my kids, if it's in God's Time.

If you have anyone in your life that means a lot to you, don't take their (or your) days for granted.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.

A Pirate Looks At Forty

Dad's most favorite spot in the whole world

Tuesday May 24th, 2011 will never be forgotten. What took place that day changed my life more than anything ever has or probably ever will.

My father, Glenn Thompson Cook, met our Lord and Savior in Heaven that morning.

To be honest, it still hasn't truly sank in just what has happened. Because my parents lived in Birmingham I didn't get to see them all that often. My dad visited me about once a month and would stay with me at my house in Spanish Fort. Since his passing it has simply felt like an extended amount of time between visits.

Through everything that's taken place since that Tuesday my mindset has not been one of questioning what God has done. He has been preparing me this year even when I didn't think I could handle any more! The chronic pain I deal with daily was just the start of these preparations earlier this year.

I loved this quote I saw recently:

"God doesn't bring men to deep waters to drown them, but to cleanse them!"

Thank you for your prayers.

Godbless!

Bama Breeeze

So it's been over a month since I last wrote. The past month has been very different than the previous one, that's for sure! Work is going well too.

I'll simply just put up some photos from the back yard and the house. Taking care of the veggies and plants around here has been taking up my time while home.

These are the rows of silver queen corn I planted. The ones over about two inches tall I transplanted from the seed starter plat yesterday. Hopefully they'll take off real well in the yard with plenty of sun. Can't wait to eat some fresh corn! The starter plat still has some cucumbers and beans that need to grow more before I'll transplant them. 

I also planted this beautiful hibiscus yesterday as well. It'll stay in the front of the house for all to see. I really like how they bloom all summer down here because of our hot weather. 

So, all that sand is my little re-hab project with my grass. This area off my back porch got lots of wear and tear because Penny would run around and she also liked to dig! Should just take a couple months to get it back healthy. 

My JOY is not determined by what happens to me, but what Christ is doing in me and through me! 

Free and Easy

The title pretty much sums this past weekend for me.
Friday evening I joined a few of my neighbors for a fish-fry and we had a good time. Josh, who helped me build the garden beds that I will talk about below, has a big fryer and did an excellent job -just like he always does!

Saturday I was up bright and early. The weather has been incredible in south Alabama for about 10 days or so, maybe longer. It's so tough for me to stay inside with such great weather.

I ended up going ahead and planting my carrots, cantaloupe, midget cucumber and regular sized cucumbers, beans, peas, and watermelon. Sure, we could possibly another slight freeze within the next month. -I'll pay for the consequences, and they will be cheap. About $5 worth of seed total for all that I've planted!

Additionally, I prepared the spot on the back property line where I will plant 4 rows of 20 Silver Queen corn! I'm super excited to test the waters on growing the corn. This variety is by far my favorite!

Not only did I plant veggies and these fruits but I also acquired a Navel orange tree, about 4' high, and also raspberry and blueberry bushes. These were planted on the south side of my house to keep them out of the cold north wind during our winters, plus they will all get absolute full sun. Also this gives me my own little grove of citrus and fruits there because I already had a Satsuma tree there.

And for good measure, I went ahead and planted about four daylilly plants in my front yard to give some color there. They are right at the base of my water oak that shades the yard very well.

OK, I'm not done yet! I've never covered up the fact that I love pine tree and pretty much any tree for that matter. -except crap myrtles. Well, I transplanted over a dozen longleaf pine seedlings to my backyard and put them in coffee containers for them to mature before putting them in the ground later this spring. Longleaf are about the slowest growing pine grown commercially for timber so these really won't be enjoyed by me at my house but whomever lives here a few decades from now.
Yah, I didn't stop there. While digging up the pine seedlings I also snagged about 5 small oak tree saplings. I placed them in containers and will plant them in the yard somewhere. Yah, I'm probably going to run out of space later this year for more plants!

My aunt Gale gave me some sunflower seeds and I will line the back yard with them to give some color. Also I'm going to add wildflower seeds in with these plantings and there will be plenty of color!

Here are some pictures of the raised garden beds. You can also see the pine seedlings in their containers.

The lumber that is up against the house will be used to build the stand for my rain barrel which I am going to move to the back of the house to use as irrigation for these beds. You can also see the dormant blueberry and raspberry bushes on the side of my house in the 3rd picture. They are between my gutter's downspout and the sewer tank thing that is a faded green.

Thanks to Brett Long for building the top "seat" for these beds. It really is so much better for me to sit down and work.

Well, just thought it was about time for an update on the happenings around the yard! Hope everyone is enjoying this great weather.

In His name,
-Matt

When You're Smiling

I really find that I desire to write a blog entry much more often than I actually publish one! Today I just found myself in a situation where I had to write about once I got home.

As life does to us humans, God really has given me a place that makes my heart smile every minute I'm there. GrandJoe passed away last summer and I've written about him in a previous entry. I documented his life to a small degree and the impact his Service in the Navy has had on my life. Well, ever since he went to Heaven it was laid on my heart to get involved in some type of volunteer work. I've always desired to do some work like this at some level and I knew at heart that this is as good a time as any. Even with all I have going on, no permanent job after this month and my back issues, God just has spoken so clearly to me that if I can't find time now for spending time with His children then I'll always put it off until sometime later.... and you know how that goes!

OK, so the point is, GrandJoe visited a very nice 'nursing' home pretty much every weekday before he got too sick to go. This really gave Meme and Aunt Gale a break from him being at home full-time and truly was a blessing. The Snook Center is the place I speak off. They have multiple wings to the building but in the core of the building they have a "Promenade" with a Soda Fountain, Barber/Beauty Shop, and Post Office and they regularly play music from the 40's and 50's; everything harkens back to the Good Ole Days! The Snook Center is known as a memory care facility so most of the residents have a form of Dementia or Alzheimer's and they are very well cared for. I say most because I've met a few exceptions. There is a lovely couple, the Shirley's, whom only the husband has slight issues with memory. More on them later!

The past two weeks I have been twice to just sit with some of the residents and give them someone to talk to. Eventually I think I will start playing cards or board games with them. For now I'm just trying to get to know them so they do not cast me as a stranger. The first visit I talked with some of the workers and they just went on and on about how great GrandJoe was and that they sure missed him. One regular volunteer told me that he was her absolute favorite that had ever been there. I'm man enough to admit that she made me cry!

Today's visit really went beyond just them asking me questions and the whole time I really asked them things and got to know them better. To see them light up when they remember things from decades past is such a joy. They are the happiest bunch I've ever been around!

One resident, Mrs. Shirley, remembered me from the previous week. It turns out she has no real health issues but is simply there because her husband has the dementia and she didn't want to live away from him. It's just about the sweetest thing you could imagine. She has to be the kindest and sweetest lady I've ever known, family excluded.
Today we discussed all sorts of things. Her husband played the trumpet. I can't recall what his actual profession was when he was younger, but I know his family was big into music, and that his father played the"bass fiddle." -I'd never heard it called that before! Well, after about 30 minutes of sitting at the table with them during their afternoon coffee, one of the staff members put on some music and it was a Louis Armstrong album. Mr. Shirley remembered every lyric from every song! This really made my heart smile because it was just the same with Grandjoe. He couldn't remember how to use a screwdriver or what day it was, but by gosh, he knew every lyric from songs back in the 40s and 50s!

It just so happened that Mr. Shirley's band would play a lot of Louis' songs back in the day. He then told me how he met Louis one night at a music club down on the Causeway - it's the non-elevated road that crosses Mobile Bay between Spanish Fort/Daphne and Mobile. He went on and on about how accessible and nice Louis was. The fact that a man of his popularity during that time would let a young guy backstage between sets just to talk music and trumpets was a thrill for Mr. Shirley. And you know, to have him tell this story and hear it from him, he made you feel like he had met the President! Mr. Shirley was humbled by Louis' kindness that night. He said that after this meeting he started giving free trumpet lessons to children there in Mobile.

I just can't put into words the joy I get from those of previous generations talking about the past. GrandJoe was a blessing in my life even if he couldn't remember who I was.

So, in honor of him I will continue to go visit the fine folks at the Snook Center at least once a week for an hour or so in the afternoons. It's the least I can do!

Thank you so much for the prayers and thoughts regarding my back and job situations. These prayers have been felt I assure you! God has a plan for me regarding a job. Next week I have an interview with the Chief of our GIS department at the Army Corps of Engineers for a Fed position. 432 applicants and there are four of us within the department that are interviewing. I'm continuing to pray for God's will for this and I will gladly accept either outcome. It's been my dream to work in this department for years and if it's meant to be He will keep me here.
On the other hand, we've tweaked my pain meds and it's working decently this week but I go back to the doctor in a couple weeks to see about further injections/meds changes too. Thank the Lord for health insurance. My bills for the two rounds of injections alone were enough for down payment on a small house! :)

As always, may the peace of the Lord, Jesus Christ, be with you all.

On My Highway

I suppose it's time for an update.  There's been some goings on that should be mentioned.

First, the past few weeks have been very little fun physically, mentally, and emotionally. My Faith has strengthened more every day and so spiritually I've been much better. Without the details of the ailments of others, it's worth mentioning that there really are many others going through tough times and they have been continually in my thoughts and prayers.  Lately it truly has been living one day at a time. This really isn't just a saying when you live it. Those that deal with chronic pain or other major health issues unfortunately understand it all too well.

Last week was my second round of injections in my back, and it was for steroids placed within the joints. Hopefully the combination of the previous nerve blockers, these steroids injections, and my daily medication I can get to a more manageable amount of pain.

So enough of THAT. Last weekend I made two raised garden beds so that I can begin growing some of my own veggies. It will be nice to have another project to keep up with around the house. My neighbor Josh really did the majority of the building for these beds.

Mainly, the thing that stands out throughout the past month is my faith that God has something planned for me. Sure, there's been times I really wanted out, and who wouldn't. I'm not able to do normal things like I used to because of my back, even simple things like reaching for something off the shelf at Lowe's yesterday made me hurt for the next 10 hours. Additionally, I'm faced with no job after the end of this month. But what has sustained me are the promises that God has made for my life. I just keep leaning on Him and He bears all my burdens. His power is made perfect in my weakness.. and boy there's lots of them!

I'm also really getting tuned into the happenings of Bay Community Church here near my home. This has been quite the journey the past two years to fully embrace everything that goes on there. The only thing I really just didn't love was the music worship, but God has broken me down and I've learned to tolerate it... I just love old Hymns! Bottom line is Jerry speaks THE word of God and that's all that matters. His messages are always spot on and I'm so on fire with what is happening. They have some exciting events coming up and I'm looking forward to joining in some capacity. Later this week I'm attending their class for those wishing to know more about the church and then join if they want.

As always,
Godbless!

Blue Indian

This evening I received an email from a fellow member of a forum regarding what we go through with chronic pain. It hit me especially close to home and I just felt led to share it here. At this moment I'm not wanting to shove it toward anyone in particular but most of what is contained is exactly something I've wanted to vocalize for some time now.  I really don't intend on keep this blog about me or what I go through in all this. Sometimes it just feels nice to share.


LETTER TO PEOPLE WITHOUT CHRONIC PAIN: 

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed. 

In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand ... 

... These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me... 

Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me-- stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time - I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too. 

There is a the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. That's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!¨ I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome. 


Being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain. 

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "concentrating", "being sociable" and so on ... it applies to everything. That's what chronic pain does to you. 

Chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are--to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do. 

Honestly, please know that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it¨ may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctor and I am doing what I am supposed to do. 
Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder..." Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression. 

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed/or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now - it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or am right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone. 

If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor. 

If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general. 

In many ways I depend on you - people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out... Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, cooking or cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able. 

I know that I have asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot. 

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

In Color

Throughout the previous posts on this journal page I've strayed away from getting too personal with what's exactly going on in my life. I feel now is as good of a time as any to finally say my peace and be done with it for a while. So, just bear with me if anyone reads this. I'm doing this for me and I really want nothing in return from anyone.
Honestly, talking about what I deal with day in and day out regarding my chronic back pain issues is still tough for me. Usually I'm so open with most everything in my life but I feel like I've been holding on to this and I don't really have a valid reason. I've recently come to terms with my ailment and am more confident that God has a plan to use me for something good.

The previous two weeks have been therapeutic in many ways. Being without Penny has allowed me more freedom with my schedule away from work and I've been able to visit family a few times. The house is quieter, for sure, without her but I've enjoyed not having the demands of a dog around the house.

Most don't realize the toll chronic back pain takes on all aspects of an otherwise normal lifestyle. The simplest things such as turning to get out of bed or standing and reaching into a cabinet for a plate and even still, just sitting in a straight-back chair all wreak exacerbating pain throughout my entire lower back. Because these simple tasks turn into mountainous hurdles to climb on an hourly basis, days always seem to feel like a competition with myself that never ends. Laying back in my recliner at the end of the day is my only reward or respite of comfort. Sometimes I just have to laugh at how simplified and dumbed down I've had to gear my life. I can't say there haven't been tears either.

I used to be so active with sports, man how I miss golf.  I've given thought to selling my clubs. Being able to mow and string-trim 10 yards a day is now behind me to some extent. My best memories of younger years are filled with soccer and mowing. There's more things I truly enjoy doing that I think up everyday that I'll continue to miss. I won't list them all because it would look like a pity party. The point is that I'm trying to stay positive through all this. Obviously I'm not able to see into the future and know if I'll ever be able to do certain things or if they are forever in my past, but I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that it's a good possibility that I won't be able to.

At first when all the doctors and nurses would say "you're too young to be having back problems" I would just kinda chuckle and agree with them. That was when I didn't fully understand my condition and what Bertolotti's Syndrome meant for my future.

From Wikipedia: Bertolotti's syndrome is a form of lumbago in the lumbosacral transitional vertebrae. The syndrome is not usually treated, as not much is known yet about these spinal segments. It is named for Mario Bertolotti, an Italian physician. Bertolotti's syndrome is defined by a transitional 5th lumbar vertebra resulting in partial sacralization. Of importance is that this syndrome will result in a pain generating 4th lumbar disc resulting in a "sciatic" type of a pain correlating to the 5th lumbar nerve root. Usually the transitional vertebra will have a "spatulated" transverse process on one side resulting in articulation or partial articulation with the sacrum or at time the illium and in some cases with both. This results in limited / altered motion at the lumbo-sacral articulation. This loss of motion will then be compensated for at segments superior to the transitional vertebra resulting in accelerated degeneration and strain through the L4 disc level which can become symptomatic and inflame the adjacent L5 nerve root resulting in "sciatic" or radicular pain patterns. This is a congenital condition and is usually not symptomatic until one's later twenties or early thirties.

Mom has helped me put into prospective what it means at my age to go through something so rare. She, too, is a 'survivor' of a rare congenital affliction. To have my own mother know what it's like to have to explain to everyone what is going on and why I'm doing certain things has helped keep me sane. She's comforted me in a way that only a mother can but also in a way that only someone that's been through so much pain can also.

The overall support I've had from family and friends has been so inspiring. I'm lucky to have each one in my life. I've always said that You Get What You Give. Throughout my young life I've tried as much as possible to treat others how I would want to be treated. It's come back to me 10-fold for sure, and that's not gloating on my side.

My daily reality is that every action made when not in my recliner causes unbearable pain. The goal of not taking medicine for the pain has past. It's no longer an option to live without the medicine. Part of me has been taken away.

The part that can never be taken away, however, is my faith that God has something special in store for me. My ultimate goal is now through my affliction to make Jesus known. I've chosen to use my ailment for His glory. Behind me may be a lot of good memories of being active, but what lies ahead is even greater. The future, in my mind and heart, looks brighter than anything that I've been through yet.

I'm not going to turn into some recliner couch potato who whines about how he can't do stuff anymore. Please know that I've made a commitment to shed my past and give God the glory for saving me from selfishness when I could have thrown in the towel being faced with all this pain.

So that's what I've been chewing on lately. I'm absolutely miserable almost every hour of the day, but this body is not mine. I'm living proof that our bodies are literally HELL. Every day is an example to me that this world is hell but Heaven is the only reward I should seek. Most people don't ever realize this because they don't suffer through chronic pain, or have a body that they don't want to be in. God has shown me this and I want to make it known. I continue to pray that He will work through me so that I may impact the lives of the few that would read this.

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.